The Past, No Longer The Present
by Rosesdancinginmymind
Summary: Regina has a loving mother like she always wanted. When Regina gets pregnant she has nightmares of her past where Cora cuts of all her hair and when she is married to Leopold he orders a servant to cut off her hair. Emma is there for her and Cora and Zelena are too. – EvilQueensDaughterRapunzel TW for child and domestic abuse. MillsFamily fluff in the end. A dash of SQ.


_Regina and Emma are happily married and Regina has a loving mother like she always wanted. When Regina gets pregnant she has nightmares of her past where Cora cuts of all her hair and when she is married to Leopold he orders a servant to cut off her hair. Emma is there for her and Cora and Zelena are too. – EvilQueensDaughterRapunzel_

_Thanks for the prompt. TW for child abuse and domestic abuse. It ends with MillsFamilyFluff. I don't own Once or its characters. Apologies for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy :) _

Regina tosses and turns as she sleeps. She hasn't had nightmares for a while now. Since settling down with Emma and having the loving mother and sister she had dreamed of the nightmares have faded yet since she fell pregnant she can't help but have flashes of her own past.

_"How dare you run off without telling me?!" Cora bellows as her daughter cowers in the corner. _

_"I'm sorry Mama," Regina sniffs, "I just wanted to have some fun."_

_"Fun," Cora says darkly and Regina tries to move away knowing it means trouble. "Fun," her mother repeats before grabbing Regina's arm and tugging her forward. "You do not have time for fun darling. You will be a princess and you will do as I say. You'll learn it one way or the other."_

_There's a gleam and that's when Regina sees the scissors. She whimpers trying to run but Cora grabs her back using her magic to force her daughter to sit still as she snips away Regina's beautiful brown locks. Regina has always resisted getting a haircut rebelling against her mother and doing as she wished with it. It's enough. Cora has had it up to hear with her daughter ignoring her. _

_One way or another Regina will learn who is in charge here. _

_She finishes flicking her wrist to undo the magic before leaning in and glowering at her daughter, "You do not make the rules here Regina. I do. I hold the power, don't you ever forget that." _

_With that she storms out leaving Regina staring at the locks of hair scattering the floor. The child looks up catching her reflection in the mirror and sobs. Her back length hair is gone, cut down to just below her ears. It's all gone and she cries for it. It was the one thing she had control over and now it is lost. _

* * *

><p><em>Life with Leopold is worse than life with her mother. The King is a cruel man. He loves his daughter and his subjects but not her. He pushes her into the darkness and shadows making her just a trophy to hide in the castle, never on display, never in the limelight. <em>

_She's noticed him glaring at her tonight as one of the visiting ladies compliments her hair and she stiffens in fear. She replies to the lady politely and spends the rest of the night in fear. She knows how she hates it when she is the centre of the attention. It's always him or Snow who are the star of the show. Not her and now she has been. _

_Her mind replays punishments of her mother's including the haircut from years ago. With a shaky hand she runs her hand through her hair and does her best to withhold a sob. Not in public. Not here and not now. _

_It's later that night that he comes into her chambers with a maid. _

_"Y-Your Majesty," she stammers nervously wringing her hands together. _

_"Regina," he says coldly, "Maid cut off her hair."_

_"What?" Regina asks paling from fear. _

_"Do you dare disobey your King?" he asks menacingly and she flinches knowing what kind of punishment that brings. She shakes her head forcing herself to sit as a tear rolls down her face. "Good," he replies and nods to the maid who begins cutting off her hair until it is little more than a pixie cut. _

_"Now Snow will be the fairest in the land as she should be," the King says, "Remember your place here Regina. See this haircut as a reminder." _

_He leaves and the maid gives her a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry Your Majesty," she whispers to which Regina can only nod. She too was only following orders, they all do here. Her fingers reach for her hair and she sobs knowing that here too she is lost and without control._

* * *

><p>She wakes up sobbing and her fingers immediately reaching up to run through her hair. She lets out another cry of relief when she feels it still draping down past her shoulders and flowing through her fingers. It's her hair not anyone else's to cut or change. She takes a deep breath trying to remind herself that she no longer lives a life without control or power. She's surrounded by love and her family.<p>

She wishes telling herself was enough yet the fragments of her past still linger on. She cannot escape them no matter how hard she tries.

"Regina, honey what's wrong?" Emma asks waking to hear her wife's sobs.

Regina shakes her head as she trembles and cries and Emma pulls her in for a hug. "Regina?" she asks again as she holds her wife tightly and rubs her hands in soothing circles whilst she rocks them both. It breaks her heart to see Regina like this but she understands the reasons why. Ever since Regina fell pregnant they've both found themselves having nightmares again. Emma knows why. They both had awful childhoods full of pain and fear and neither of them want their children to have that. Being pregnant, whilst amazing and full of incredible moments, brings back a lot of terrifying flashbacks.

Henry is surrounded by love and happiness and family and Emma and Regina know their new baby will too. It doesn't stop their fears finding them at night. For Emma those fears are soothed by Regina and her own mother.

Eventually Regina's sobs die down and she simply rests her head against Emma's chest with a tired muffled cry, "Are you okay?" Emma asks.

"Just remembering," Regina replies with a haunted whisper.

Emma nods in understanding, "I know. We have better now Regina. I've got parents and you've got a mother and sister who love you. We have a whole family now Regina. Our lives aren't like our nightmares anymore and whilst those fragments come back to us they aren't our whole live anymore. We don't have it and our babies won't have it."

"I know," Regina says, "I know that. I do. I just, they keep coming back."

"Maybe you should talk to your Mom?"

Regina stiffens not wanting to bring up the past when things are so good between them all right now. "Emma," she begins before trailing off unsure how to voice her fears.

Luckily for her Emma always understands.

"She'll still love you," Emma says, "She will Regina and she wants to be a better mother to you, that means letting her comfort you when you need her. You need her Regina. You know she's different from when you were young but at times like these you don't need me to tell you that, you need her to show you."

* * *

><p>After talking to Emma, Regina walks down the hallway towards her mother's room. She places her hand on her small bump as she envisions being a mother again. She has a lot of happy memories with Henry and sometimes she dreams of the moments they'll all have with this new baby. She can't wait to raise a baby with Emma, this time they'll both be there from the beginning and hopefully be the family they've always dreamed they would be.<p>

They already have that and she can't wait to welcome this baby into it.

"Regina?"

She looks up from where she has stopped still to see Zelena staring at her. Her sister yawns before walking over to her, "Are you okay? Is the baby alright?" she asks worriedly, since they've built a relationship she's become a very protective older sister.

Regina smiles, "She's okay."

"You really think it's a girl?"

"I do," Regina says, "I had another nightmare."

"Oh," Zelena says quietly. She has had her fair share and understands all too well where her sister is headed. She steps forward quickly hugging Regina, "Are you okay?"

"I will be," Regina reassures her, "It's just since falling pregnant I keep getting these flashes of the past. I can't make them stop."

"I get it," Zelena says, "But you won't be like that. You're a great Mom to Henry and you will be to this baby. This baby is going to have more than we ever did. She's a very lucky girl."

Regina smiles softly placing her hands back over her bump, "She will be. Now go talk to Mom."

* * *

><p>Regina wipes away a few errant tears before entering her mother's room to find Cora sitting up waiting for her.<p>

"Mom?" she asks.

Cora opens her arms in a hug gesture, "I heard you get up," she says in explanation. Since they've repaired their relationship she's doing her best to be the mother she always should have been. Her heart, returned to her chest, is full of love for her daughters and sadly regret for the way they grew up and the way they suffered.

It still pains her to see their fear and the fragments of the past they must live because of her. It always will break her heart to see. As their mother though it is up to her to try and soothe that pain and those fears.

Sometimes she can. Sometimes she can't. Either way she has to try for her daughters and for herself.

Seeing her mother so easily offer up a hug and understand what she needs remind Regina simultaneously of the love she has in her life now and the contrast to the pain and coldness of her past. Those thoughts cause tears to well up in her eyes as she whispers, "Mama," before walking across the room and curling up next to her mother to accept the hug.

Cora hugs her daughter tight shushing her and rocking her as she sobs. It doesn't matter how old her daughters get, she knows those past memories will always remain and she will always be there to offer comfort where she can.

"Oh sweetheart," she whispers, "I'm so sorry."

"It was the haircut," Regina says in response and it's all she needs to say for Cora to remember. She shudders at the memory as her heart pangs in pain and guilt. She holds Regina a little closer before running her fingers through her daughter's growing dark locks, "I'm so sorry," she repeats, "Oh god I'm so sorry."

"I know," Regina replies, "I know you are."

"I am," Cora says insistently, "and I know that now you're expecting another baby you can't help but remember but I promise you with every memory that strikes I'll always be here for you. I'm never going to hurt you again."

"You being here helps," Regina assures her mother resting her head against her heart. Since that day in Gold's shop it helps her remember that Cora's heart is still there.

"Then I'll be here," Cora replies, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Regina says. The fragments of the past may taunt her in her sleep but at least when she wakes Regina knows that now reality is different. During her childhood and her marriage her nightmares were the same as her waking life. Now those nightmares could not be further from the life she has. She sighs as her tears begin to fade taking comfort in the embrace of her mother and reminding herself of a life full of love and happiness.

Those memories may still remain but at least now they are her past and not her present and future.

_Thanks for reading :) _


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